Friday, 14 May 2010

For contemporary pseudo-intellect-neuro-hypochondriac people

They say that every day we have to eat an apple for iron and a banana for potassium. Also an orange for vitamin C, half a melon to improve digestion and a cup of unsweetened green tea to prevent diabetes.

Every day you have to drink two liters of water (yes, and then pee,which takes twice the time it took to drink them).

Every day you have to take one  yogurt to have 'L. Cassei Defensis' which nobody knows what the hell it is, but it seems that if you do not take a million and a half every day, you start to see people blurred.

Every day an aspirin to prevent heart attacks, plus a glass of red wine, for the same. And another white, for the nervous system. And a beer, which I do not remember for what it was. If you take everything together, even if it gives you a stroke right there, do not worry as you'll probably not notice.

Every day you have to eat fiber. A lot of fiber, until you get a sweater defecate. You should have four to six meals a day, light ones, not forgetting to chew each mouthful a hundred times. Calculatingi, only eating you loose like five hours.

Ah, after every meal you should brush your teeth, that is: after the yogurt and fiber brush your teeth, after the apple brush your teeth, after the banana brush your teeth ... and so long as you have teeth, not to mention spend floss, gum massager, mouth rinse with Plax...

You better extend the bathroom and put the stereo, because between the water, fiber and teeth, you're going to spend several hours a day in there.

We must sleep eight hours and work another eight, plus the five that we used to eat, twenty. You have three left, provided that there are no unexpected situations. According to statistics, we see three hours of television. Well, you can't anymore because every day you have to walk at least half an hour.

And you have to take care of friends because they are like a plant: you have to water them daily. And when you go on vacation too, I suppose ..

Furthermore, you should be well informed, so you have to read at least two newspapers and a magazine article, to verify the information.

Ah, you have to have sex every day, but without falling into the routine: you must be innovative, creative, renewing seduction. That takes time. And even more if it's tantric sex!

We must also make time for sweeping, washing clothes, dishes, and even more if you have a dog or any otherpet ... Children?!

So, when I count it gives me about 29 hours a day. The only possibility I can think of is to make more of these things at once, for example, you shower with cold water with yout mouth open so you can drink 2 liters of water.

As you leave the bathroom with a toothbrush in your mouth you make (Tantric)  love standing to your partner, who meanwhile looks at the TV and tells you, while you sweep. "Do you have a free hand? Call your friends .. And your parents! Drink your wine (after calling your parents you will need it). Your partner can give you the yogurt with the apple while he or she eats the banana with the fibre, and tomorrow you change. And, thank God we already grew, otherwise we would have to have also a daily bottle of milk.

Uuuuf! I only have two minutes left! I'm leaving now because between the yogurt, half a melon, beer, the first liter of water and fiber and the third meal of the day, I do not know what I'm doing but I need a bathroom urgently. Ah, I will also take the toothbrush...

Hope you enjoyed this crazy email I received =).


1 comment: